no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
