Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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