Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This house was built for laser tag.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
