I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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