Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
