The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pants are for mortals
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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