I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
