peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
