You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
