WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well I just put wine in my tea
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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