I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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