between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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