I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
