I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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