I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
