Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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