I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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