I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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