just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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