bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize