I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I intend to get homeless drunk
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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