Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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