I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
