wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
