i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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