this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
