FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
