he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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