Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
