puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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