She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
