return my video game
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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