Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
