She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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