She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
