He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My vagina is officially offended.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize