ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
