its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
