we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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