no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
