this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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