Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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