is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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