Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
