I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
