you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize