I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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