After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
