i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
