Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
