apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
