Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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