You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
