yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
