If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
