it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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