; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
