someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
