I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize