I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
