He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
