he wants to bone in the snuggie
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
