I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
