fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
