How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
