Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This toilet bowl is my home.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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