wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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