I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
