I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
