I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
