Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
