Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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