We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
