I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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