he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
