ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize