i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
