Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
