He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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