Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
