apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
