Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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