I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
