I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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