Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
