just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
