We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
