I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
