All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
