She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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