Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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