wakey wakey hands off snakey
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
