you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
