Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have tasted many bathrooms
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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