It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
