I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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