At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
