I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize