i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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