is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
