it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
