Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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