yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
